My Father

As most of you know, I lost my father on July 13th, 2011 at 12:13 am. It was after a long battle (8 weeks) in the hospital and so many miracles. He meant the world to us. My mom, Kanch, Brenda and the kids (Quinn and Ronin) are crushed. I can't speak about the pain my mom is going through because that is her experience and I couldn't accurately capture it here but I know that her experience is similar to mine. I know this because the things she tells me she is worried about and upset about are similar to mine.

It has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I struggle every morning with despair of missing my dad. He was a great guy. Anyone that knew him would agree he was just an amazing man. Everyone has regrets when a loved one passes. My regrets started even before my dad passed. During the first 2 weeks in the hospital I was very aware of the relationship I had with my dad that had gone on for so long with out my conscious notice of it. The connection I had with him and the things I wanted him to tell me became clear. He is and will always be my hero. I prayed and hoped desperately for him to get better so that I could have another chance to live my life with my best friend. Show him all that I have learned but that wasn't to be.

I wrote, and continue to write, notes to him. Originally I was going to share them with him when he got better but now I do it to organize my mind/heart. I still wish there was a way he could see them.

Brenda and I have had so many problems with cars lately and that is a constant reminder that my dad isn't around. He was always my go to guy for cars. He was the only person in this world I could ask anything to without feeling like a burden. It is tough to live life without that safety. When our car broke down outside Peterborough it almost totally broke me. I hadn't called my dad to bail me out of a jam with cars in almost 5 years and then a couple weeks after his passing I need him. He would have drove to Peterborough for me right away with a plan, no matter what time of night. He was always there for me.

Someone described to me that losing a parent is a club that you never want to be in but something that you have with these other people. Right now I feel like the only person in the world that lost my father. They say that in fact I am. I am the only Milan that lost his Dad, Gooruduth (Greg). My experiences with my dad are different from everyone else so my grieving will be different. That being said the cycle is the same but the content is different for everyone.

My dad was this great man that dropped everything when he was in his 20's to support his whole family. Put one brother through medical school and continue to help his family to the day he passed. I don't know how a man can give up so much. Everyone that has ever met him would say he was a distinguished man that was a pleasure to be around. People would also comment on how proper and disciplined he was. What people don't know is he melted when Quinn and Ronin were around. Playing Hide & Seek with them, chasing them around, getting them whatever they wanted and most of all a place they could run and get comfort.

One of the hardest parts of losing my dad is the impact to my kids. Ronin has told me he misses him but not for himself as much as for me. He wants his Aaja back so his daddy isn't sad. He told me he will do anything to bring Aaja back for Christmas because Aaja loves Christmas. Quinn is another story, she is going to people she normally doesn't and seems to be searching for Aaja but can't find him. It must be torture to be so heartbroken and not be able to tell Brenda or I. I feel for her.

Days have been tough to not have my dad. The day to day is manageable but the feeling of foreverness is unbearable at times. I will never have him around again. No hugs, No kisses, No laughing voice. I will live the rest of my life without my father. That is a tough thing to face because I am not sure I have the strength to face the pain when it comes, and from what everyone says it will come, for the rest of my life.

My dad never had the chance to tell me his last words and I feel cheated. He had a vent tube in for the last 6 weeks in hospital and desperately tried to communicate with me. He used to try so hard to talk and get so tired trying. I told him that I love him, and I know he loves me. I told him I know he is proud of me and he loves Quinn and Ronin. I told him I will take care of mom. I told him he was my hero. I told him all these things but never got a chance to hear his voice and know what he was thinking. I can think of the things he would say but not hearing it isn't the same.

I will continue to write here because I know people are concerned about me and this will help me think out my thoughts and also give people insight to what I am going through

Hong Kong & Singapore

We made the trip around the other side of the world to Sal and Julianne's wedding in Singapore. 20 hours flying time. It was grueling both going there and coming back. It just isn't right to be couped up on a plane that long. The trip from Toronto to Hong Kong was 16 hours. That is the 12 longest flight in the world and it felt like it. On the way back it took us 3 different planes and 30 hours of travel time to make it back.

However, in between those plane trips and the 4 different places we stayed at it was a great trip and got a chance to see places that I am sure we didn't think we would. Hong Kong was just an amazing place and it was great to spend time with Sal & Juls in Singapore and especially being part of the wedding. The weather was great. A couple of points of rain but over all it was HOT! We kept ourselves busy and made sure we spent the time to see the things we wanted to.

We missed the kids horribly and we are so fortunate that we were able to Skype with them so much and just loved seeing them. The 12 hour time difference made it tough but at least we didn't have to change our clocks!! The kids had an amazing time with their Grammy, Mick, Auntie Aisling, Auntie Anna, Auntie Sue and Auntie Nead, along with all their cousins. They had power packed days and just had a blast. We are so fortunate that everyone in London was able to take the time to look after them. That being said, they didn't just look after them, they fully entertained them! That is a whole different class of work effort! Their Aaji and Aaja even made a trip from Brampton to London to see them. Either way we are glad to have them now home with us.

Pictures of the trip have been posted at: www.brelan.ca/2010_hk_singapore

Thanksgiving Pictures

Kanch took some amazing pictures during Thanksgiving in Brampton this past weekend. They are posted on the website:

http://www.brelan.ca/

Above is one great family shot!!

Thanks Kanch!!

Lion Safari, Teeth, Cottage, Fantasy Fair, and more!

It is hard to believe that the summer is winding down. We are not sure what we are going to do when the weather isn't good enough to go outside. Our kids are liked caged dogs just waiting to be released outdoors. Quinn wants to get out there and outside is a quick settler for Ronin. There are a few pictures on the blog but a whole mess of new ones are on the website: http://www.brelan.ca/

Quinn and Ronin made their first trip to African Lion Safari. The both had such a great time being outside and seeing all the animals. I don't think I realized that Brenda had such a fear of petting zoos... but I will leave it at that..... Quinn was in awe in the game reserve seeing all the animals. We had lots of help with us as Sue, Jade, Rylan, Jackson, Izzy, and Grammy all made the long trip from London to come and hang out with us for the day. It was a great day. Very warm but all the kids had a great time. They even all got tattoos as you can see below, they all show a different part of their personalities.

Before heading out we were able to grab a family shot.... I guess Ronin and Quinn are looking at something better.... even more pics at http://www.brelan.ca/

Ronin recently just got his next pair of teeth on the top. It is crazy to think that Quinn 8 teeth by now compared to Ronin who only has 4.

Don't worry little guy.... you are still our little rock star!!!

As a family we did get a chance to get a cottage in Grand Bend with Deb and Dom. It wasn't your traditional cottage. Definitely had more of a home feel. Which was nice either way. Pictures from the cottage are at: http://www.brelan.ca/

We have been meaning to take Quinn to the Fantasy Fair and we finally made the trip. I actually took a ditch day (vacation day) so that we would be there with no crowds. It was well worth it. Quinn had pretty much the run of the place and really enjoyed it. She even made a couple trips on the bumper boats!!! More pictures are at http://www.brelan.ca/

Before we wrap this post up, just thought we would show you Quinn's idea of redecorating our hallway with toilet paper..... not sure we love the look.....

Niagara Falls - Staying in Canada

It has been a long time since the last blog post. Both Quinn and Ronin have had so many adventures over the last 4 months.

Below is the picture Quinn and Ronin posed for with Brenda for her birthday. Cute as cute can be!!

This past long weekend we took the family to Niagara Falls and we actually didn't go over to the US to shop. We have never done this before as a family. Even since Quinn has come into our lives, she hasn't done the Niagara Falls Canada thing. We thought it was a good day and why not? The fact that both Brenda and I have expired passports and Ronin doesn't have a passport probably played a small roll in it, and Quinn rolling up to customs alone wouldn't look so good.


We got down there through a lot of traffic. Unbelievable amounts of construction happening on the route to Niagara Falls. It wasn't little jobs either, they were not just resurfacing lanes, they were ripping out whole pieces of the road and leaving gigantic holes in the ground. Anyways we made it down there and it only took an extra 30 minutes. That being said, the 30 minute window had forced Brenda to get in the back with the kids to feed Ronin and provide a little entertainment to get us the rest of the way.

Once we got there we noticed that there was more people there than either of us had ever seen in our entire lives in Niagara Falls. We drove the length of the falls and then came back and parked by one of the hotels. We did diaper changes in the back of the SUV (love the space of the Highlander), loaded up the double stroller, made sure sunscreen was on the kids, and headed out. Navigating the double stroller was tough at times with the crowds, especially on the decline of Clifton Hill. Quinn loved all the sights and everything that was going on. Ronin was trying to figure it out. Throughout the whole trip he got a lot of people to stop and comment on how cute he was. Both Brenda and I had to stop a couple times to go in front of the stroller and see what people were talking about. Yeah, they were right... he sure is cute.


After we walked down the falls and showed Quinn and Ronin the sites from the stroller and me explaining to Brenda that it was really the mist from the falls she was feeling and not me spitting on her, we looped around and came walking back along the falls, but not before the family shot.

This time we were looking for a good green space to let Quinn and Ronin get out of the stroller. We found a good spot and put down a blanket. As you can see below Ronin got a chance to stretch his legs but not before a little admiration of his big sister!


Quinn got out of the stroller and was off. She joined in with some other kids sitting on the grass. She then found some gardens and decided she would try and walk straight through the gardens. Then she found a statue of George the VI. I guess this guy was the King of Canada at a point and died when he was 16. Talk about young and successful!! As you can see by the picture Quinn ran from one end of the statue to the other while she was giving her mother a heart attack!!


Quinn then decided that all the traffic on the road was cool. So she went right up to the road, reached back for my hand and tried to pull me into traffic. When that didn't work. The tantrum began. Brenda and I clearly understand the term "TERRIBLE TWO".

After the kids got their full of the park we loaded them back up and made our way back to the car. We had to negotiate the uphill climb that is Clifton Hill! Wasn't the easiest trek with about 100lbs of 2 kids, double stroller, and various supplies. However, we made it, but some peoples' shins had to pay a price.

We walked down the main road in Niagara Falls and headed back to the car. Another diaper change, take out Crazy Bread from Little Caesar's, some turtles fudge and we were on our way.

The drive back wasn't as bad except for the fact that Ronin screamed and cried for over an hour straight! Quinn would occasionally lean over and look at him with a face indicating "What the heck is your problem?" Indeed, what the heck was his problem?!?

As we made our travels back to the GTA we decided to stop in wine country and see if one of the wineries we go to had probably the best cheese fondue in stock. We have had it a few times but more often than not, they are out of it. Well we stopped in and they are now under new management and don't carry it anymore. We give up!!!! They said it was "Kingsley" fondue from Quebec. Google after Google and we have come up with NOTHING! The dream is gone. We might have to resort to making it the old fashion way..... going to a restaurant and watching someone else do the work!

We got home in time to get the kids to bed and the day was done. A great day with the family!

A couple weeks ago we went to a traditional Chinese wedding. It was 12 courses of food and all that needs to be said is that below is the first course......

Yes, that is a baby suckling pig with cherries and LED lights in it's eyes..... The staff came out dancing with all these pigs and sparklers. Quite the experience for sure! We definitely enjoyed it!!!

Halloween, Climbing the stairs, Blood Tests and Daycare take their toll! Also 3D Ultrasound

Quinn had a busy last couple weeks and it finally caught up with her. The blood tests were a lot to absorb, then mastering the climbing of the stairs, then the excitement of Halloween, and then finally the first week of Daycare. She started being a little off on the Sunday before Daycare but we just thought she was tired. Needless to say by Wednesday she was not herself at all.

Thursday she had a fever of 102 and was pretty much shutdown from doing anything. We took her to the doctor and she has tonsillitis. It is about 6 months since she had Strep throat. Because of the difficulty swallowing solid food she has been on a pudding and yogurt diet for about 3 days. She was really worn on on Friday and would spontaneously lay down and rest. The picture below shows how she just in mid crawl lay down for a break. Sometimes even fall asleep. At daycare they told us they were all practicing for a concert and she was laying down in the middle of everything sleeping.

It has been a tough couple of days and some quality time with her momma on Friday went a long way to making her feel better. Today was the first day we can see the old Quinn come back. In fact she climbed the ottoman for the first time. Yesterday she was really giving it a try and we showed her the mechanics to make it happen and then today she got it. Now it is her thing to do and we love it. Again she hasn't fully figured out the getting down backward. Here is a picture of her after she conquered the ottoman!

This morning we had some Baby Brelan v2.0 time (yes that is the name we are going with until they are here). We had the 3D ultrasound. It is amazing how we see so much of Quinn in the new baby. Here is one picture and the rest are posted on http://www.brelan.ca/ (the website was rearranged to accommodate v2.0)

Quinn's Second Halloween - Our little Turtle!

2008 Halloween pictures posted on www.brelan.ca

Margarita Island

New pictures from our trip to Margarita Island are on the website:

www.brelan.ca

Quinn meet Personality... Personality meet Quinn

As we close in on Quinn's 1 year anniversary we look back on where we have come from. The late nights celebrating if Quinn drinks more than 1 oz. The trips to the doctor and all the tests. All the other fun stuff of being a first time parent.

Now Quinn gets to where she REALLY wants to go. We say that because she always gives it a long thought before putting in the effort to make the move. If it isn't worth it then she moves on to the next important thing. For those of you that know, she is quite the little thinker. She isn't the type to just do things arbitrarily, there is always thought involved! One of our friends recently said Quinn sure has grown into her little personality. That she has. She now has all the personalities to go with her variety of faces.

Our whole household is actively awaiting a wedding later this month. Not that we live for weddings, but this wedding is in Margarita Island. There will be a whole mess of firsts for this trip. As part of the rigour of travelling, Quinn received her first passport. We thought the picture would be a bit of an affair but surprisingly the government likes the look of "Who the hell are you" for their passport pictures as you can see below, so we were in and out in 10 minutes!

Where has the time gone....

As we now sit back and think that little Quinn is now 10 months it absolutely blows our mind. We have been through 8 teeth (the molars are still causing havoc), more than our fair share of colds, a stomach flu, and moving from an infant seat to a car seat, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Quinn continues to show us new interesting personality traits and reminds us that she is going to be quite the adventure as a little toddler. Her stubbornness to do her thing and do things her way really makes us cringe when we think about the temper tantrums that await us. Nevertheless we are loving every minute of it.

More pictures have been posted on www.brelan.ca

Where did the last 8 months go?

Here is a picture that illustrates where the last 8 months went. It is really amazing.

Quinn is so observant. She realized that someone in our house needs to be able to paint, and since MJ can't live at our house then Quinn is going to step up!! Don't worry little Quinn there are still lots of walls with base white on them!!

Santa is coming! Santa is coming

So it seems we are in the enjoyable time between teeth. Quinn's appetite has returned to normal and the cold it gone. We really savour these times because we know it is just a matter of time before another little bugger shows up in her mouth.

As we gear up for little Quinn's first Christmas we are resisting the urge to get her all kinds of unnecessary items. We have to remind ourselves that she is only 9 months and we will probably need use of those funds in the years to come!

Quinn continues to work on her "Who the hell are you?" look everywhere we go. It is rather funny to us. We figure she must get that look because her parents are always so silly around her. We guess she figures there should be at least one serious person in the household.

I am sure that Santa will be very good to her. She will actually have her first chance to meet Santa very soon and we all know what kind of face she is going to give him.

Here is a picture of Quinn showing us her musical ability.

Teeth and Colds

Quinn has received her 8th tooth. It is in it's final stages of making the push through. By our calculations that is her 8th tooth before her 9th birthday. Or if we look at it a different way, it is her 8th tooth in 4 months (she got her first tooth after her 4 month birthday). Along the way we have noticed some crazy patterns that foreshadow the arrival of those little white devils. It seems that every second tooth Quinn gets a cold. She is now working on her 4th cold. We also know that her appetite drops quite a bit when they are coming. Finally we notice that sleep becomes erratic. It is quite humorous. As soon as Quinn gets the sniffles we immediately start fishing around her mouth looking for the impending tooth. Invariably we always find one.

We are always really impressed with how well Quinn deals with colds. She has her moments but is sure a trooper. She continues with the smiles and giggles in between sneezes and a running nose. As you can see in the picture below, her eyes says "I'M SICK", but her smiles says "I'M CUTE". I guess she has had enough practice that she knows the routine as well.

Last weekend we finally made the plunge to get car seats for our little monkey. It is probably overdue, we don't think the infant seat is supposed to have the kids feet dangling over the edge like that. A couple of times we might have inadvertently given her little tootsies a knock when carrying the seat. It is going to be a bit of adjustment not to have the infant seat around. We are either going to have to carry her or take the stroller. We are mostly going to go with the stroller option because she isn't as light as she used to be. It was sure nice to have her nap in the restaurant in the infant seat while we had a meal. Hopefully it is possible for kids to sleep in a high chair.

The kids at the Santa Clause Parade!

Here are the McLean girls and Quinn at the Santa Clause Parade.

This is picture of Quinn sleeping on the subway home. Santa puckered her out.

Santa Clause Parade!

This has now become an annual event for us to go down to the Toronto Santa Clause Parade. This is the 3rd year that we have gone and obviously the first year for Quinn. This yearly tradition was because of the McLean family in London. Dan and Nicole started bringing their family down and we decided we would join them. It makes for some interesting events every year. Always a lot of fun.

This year we bundled Quinn up with 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts, a jacket and a hat. We also had a snowsuit as a back up. We left the house nice and early and got to the subway station about 2 hours or so before the parade and there already was a line up for the subway starting. We maneuvered the stroller down various hallways and areas to find the necessary ramps/elevators. Then got on the subway and we were off. It was Quinn's first subway ride and she maintained the same face that she usually gets when she is in an elevator or for that fact seeing anything new.... "What the heck have you two got me into this time". We had a strange guy sit right next to us which is pretty much the status quo when you are on the subway for longer than about 3 stops.

We got to our stop, made our way off and surprisingly it wasn't as crazy as we thought it would be. It was definitely busy but not that bad, probably because it was still 1.5 hrs from the start of the parade. We met the McLean's, headed up to street level and got our spots. Several people crossed the road and not sure if Brenda had a big sign on her but they always tried to get through where she was standing and use the stroller for support. Not sure what people are thinking when they do stupid things like that. Finally after a mild body check to some old guy we cut the passage off. Quinn was enjoying looking at all the people and we know she was really happy that her parents bundled her up.

The parade was great, lots of candy and chocolate being thrown out, we had a great spot right near the Tim Horton's. Lots of great floats. Quinn slept for a lot of the parade but we managed to keep her in the spirit as in the picture below.

The parade was way too long. It totalled almost 2.5 hours. With kids that is about 1 hour too long. The weather was great. Past years have really pushed our fortitude on making it an annual event but this year it was sunny and only a bit cold but not bad at all. Quinn slept for a lot of it and then when Santa finally made his appearance we tried to get her up but she was way too tired as you can see by the family photo below. Once Santa is past you it is time to head home. We got on the elevator, back down to the subway and back home. All in all a great day out for Quinn's first Santa Clause Parade.

Quinn's First Halloween

Quinn's Halloween pictures are posted at:

www.brelan.ca

They grow up so fast...

Quinn continues to get more and more stability as she grows and starts to really explore her world. When we looked at the picture below we couldn't believe how much she has grown. It really is quite amazing. It gives us a little glimpse of what she is going to look like as a toddler running around.

Out Little Pumpkin

With Halloween fast approaching Quinn decided to go out into the pumpkins to get her first real taste of Halloween when we visited Downey's market. It is funny that next year we will probably be running after her all over the place.

Quinn just gave birth to her 6th tooth! The last 2 teeth have the greatest comparison. The 5th tooth was by far the worst one of the bunch and conversely the 6th one was probably the easiest. Either way she had her moments but all in all took it very well.

Because we felt left out of all the teething issues that Quinn was having we both decided to feel the need to have some of our own oral issues that require dentist attention. We didn't take it as well as Quinn did!

Quinn still hasn't figured out how much fun splashing water is, or she just really doesn't care. In the bath and at swimming she seems to be just trying to figure things out instead of trying to get as many people as she can wet. I guess we should be thankful. She does have her own "Quigs Look". It isn't so much of a "I'm pissed at you" look but more of a "Who the hell are you" look. She seems to save her smiles for only special people. So you all should consider yourself extremely lucky if you have had the chance to experience it!

With Halloween coming up we have to plan our candy purchases with better forecasting. A couple years ago we were way off and the split was: 50% trick or treaters and 50% us. We will hopefully slant that way more in the favour of the kids this year!

New Pictures - Thanksgiving and more

New pictures are posted on the website. Our Thanksgiving pictures and some other pictures of Quigs with her friends and family.

http://www.brelan.ca/

New Pictures

New pictures of Quinn are posted on the website taken by Kanch in Brampton on Thanksgiving.
It is very apparent in a few of them that our little monkey is teething!!

www.brelan.ca