Halloween 2011

The kids have been getting ready for Halloween this past week by putting up decorations and talking about candy!!
We put up the same bat we had last year.  How things change in a year.  This is a battery powered bat that flies around the roof.  Last year both kids took off when it was on.  This year it is non-negotiable for us to turn it off.  It burned through a set of batteries in less than a day!!!
We carved a pumpkin.  In fact we took the pumpkin to Aaji's and it was the first time she ever helped carve a pumpkin.  It was so much fun for the kids, they both actually reached in and ripped out the guts of the pumpkin.   We were all, including Aaji, sitting on the kitchen floor carving it out.  Ronin was helping cut the pumpkin, telling me to make sure it has a really scary face.  It was so great, but so heart breaking.   It was a moment that the kids enjoyed that I didn't have my dad to share it with.  Ronin is getting so big and such a personality.  He would have entertained my dad for hours.   Quinn also has become quite the jokester.  She would have had so many giggles with my dad.  All these moments instigate this pit I always carry in my stomach.

I picked up Ronin from daycare and he was excited right away.  They gave him loot bags to take home.  On the car ride home I let him have a "warm up" treat.  He had 3 chocolates.  I then told him not to tell his mom and his answer was "Maybe I will".  Little bugger. 
When they were both home from school they were excited to get the show on the road.  We were worried Ronin will not go in his costume and stick with the Turtle costume he wore last year.  A few comments on how cool this years costume was, got him right in.  They ate dinner, got dressed and were ready to go.  Quinn loved looking at her Unicorn costume in the mirror and then she would go over to pictures of my dad and point to him.  She would bring me over to the picture of my dad and point.  It was like she was showing my dad her costume and asking me to get him.  It broke my heart to pieces.  Even as we were heading out the door she looked back at my dad's picture and waved.  He would have been so proud of his little princess.  I wish he could see her.  I wish she could run to him and have that feeling of being safe.

As we got into the street our little spaceman led the way.  Quinn wasn't far behind and really like the whole idea of holding her bag.  That being said, she would decide she didn't like it as much and silently leave her bag in the middle of the sidewalk and keep going!  We would have to back track to pick it up.  There were so many houses that Ronin loved to go up and see.  After he would get his candy he would call Quinn and usually she would follow.  Quinn would then make a break for going inside people's house.  She loved all the decorations and has started this game of leaning on people's cars.  I am not sure where she learned that from but it is like she is hiding from a sniper.  It is quite funny!  She lost interest pretty quick and was happy to go home to see Aaji hand out candy.  Brenda and Ronin continued their trek onwards for more goodies!  Ronin was so good at keeping his space helmet on and was so polite.  He would always say "Trick or Treat" and then finish with a "Thank You".  People were so impressed.  He is such a special little boy.

When Brenda returned with Ronin we got a family picture and then the kids went through their loot. I took Aaji home so her house would not get egged!  She handed out more candy there.  While I was gone Brenda supervised Ronin and Quinn handing out the candy to the kids that came to the door.  They really had fun and Ronin provided the kids with a running commentary of what he was doing.  There was one time that Quinn got a little carried away and wanted to give some kids my boots!!! Such a giving little girl!  They genuinely loved it.  I asked Ronin what he had more fun doing getting candy or handing it out and he said he loved handing it out. 

When they went to bed there were a few straggler Trick or Treaters and every time the door bell rang Ronin would yell down from his bed "Make sure you don't give them all the candy!" Funny little boy.
While I was at my parents house I went to my dad's bedside to tell him about how great the kids were and how they miss you so much.  It is these special occasions that remind me that my dad is gone and never coming back.  I cried so hard for my dad the whole drive home.  I miss him so much.  I can almost feel his cheek on my lips for a kiss.  I can almost feel his hand on mine.  It feels so close but also so heartbreakingly far away.  I remember my parents doing so much for us for Halloween, whatever we wanted to go as, they would make it happen. The picture below has a custom Dracula cape from my mom and my dad was so proud.  He told everyone about this year because we all did so much to make the costume perfect.  I remember my dad and I searching for the "perfect" black pants.

All these great times just remind me my best friend for 38 years is gone.  These occasions break me down to disbelief my dad isn't here anymore.  It takes me back to the moments he left us. It hurts so much.  I was thinking the other day that my dad's initials, GM, are the 7th and 13th letters in the alphabet.  He passed away on the 13th day of the 7th month (July 13th).  I would love to know there is some greater plan that it was supposed to happen this way but I just want my dad back in spite of what anyone says about the way the universe is supposed to be.  I miss him so much. 

Someone sent me a quote a while back just after my dad passed and it feels so real to me:

Remembering you is easy I do it everyday,

Its the heartache of losing you that will never go away.

I miss you so much dad.  I miss you to the ends of this earth.  Always my hero.  Till we meet again.

More Halloween pictures are posted on the website:  

Brelan.ca - 2011 Halloween Pictures

How a Son suffers the Loss of his Father

I have been continue to cycle through everything. I read some of my previous entries and it is apparent that I continue to work through the same things over and over again. I hope it isn't too repetitive for people to read. I am trying to put my thoughts down as they happen.

I am still having the morning awakenings and it is so hard to wake up in disbelief my dad is gone. It is so hard to come to the realization he isn't here and I can't call him. I have been trying to be strong in front of the kids, especially Ronin. He is able to express a lot more and understands the compassionate connection a little better than Quinn. I also think he has a different view because I lost my father and I am his father.

I was picking up Quinn for therapy yesterday and the kids were in the playground at daycare. This particular day at this time both Quinn and Ronin were there. The teachers didn't know I was only there for Quinn and called Ronin over. He came over around the gate to where Quinn and I were. I told him that mommy was coming for him later, he turn around and went back into the playground without a word. He stood on the other side of the fence looking at me. I asked him for a hug and he came back around and I saw he was trying not to cry. He was battling hard and then when he hugged me he broke down and begged me to come with me. He didn't want me to leave him. How could I leave him? He was begging for his dad. I beg for my dad everyday and can't do anything about it. His dad was right there and I couldn't not be there for him. So I picked them both up and carried them to the car and the only one not crying was Quinn. Ronin buried his face in my chest and cried. He held me so tight all the way to the car. It was very touching. Not something I will forget easily.

I started thinking about how Ronin and I have a bond, father and son. So I started reading about it. What are the things son's suffer with when they lose their father. It was very eye opening. The consensus is that all the men in one study indicated that losing their father was the single greatest loss of their life. Even for son's that had lost both parents. There were a couple things that they suffered with. They all resonated with me.

Vulnerability. The idea son's are shocked that the world doesn't stop when their dad passed. It leaves them feeling alone and isolated even if their mom is still alive. Father's served as a shield of protection. Someone they could count on for help and advice. With this gone the son doesn't know where to turn in a crisis and feels vulnerable and scared. This is something I am struggling with. Life is a very scary place for me. I don't have the comfort with turning to anyone but my dad. I could always depend on him for anything. He would never let me down and would be there for me regardless of anything. I felt safe when facing things with him and nothing seemed impossible. If things didn't work out and dad was there it was OK. I don't know what to do now that he isn't here. I feel like a burden on everyone else in my life.

Awareness of Mortality. The loss of a father creates the reality that life is finite and death in inescapable. Men see their fathers as part of them. So when their fathers pass a part of them has died as well. We operate in most cases with the assumption that we are in control of our own destiny. In the case of death is isn't true. Having our protective illusion stripped is very difficult to deal with since no amount of self control or problem solving can bring him back. I am struggling with this as well. I have no control over when people leave. This life just goes on and I am going to pass at some point. Ronin and Quinn are going to be without a dad sometime. I am not in control and things can be "fixed". I look for reasons why things happened or a way to make it OK and there isn't any. All is left in this life where my dad was is pain. Loss. Longing.

Loss of Audience. A son will go out of his way to please his father and is the one person it is acceptable to brag to. Sharing accomplishments in school, career, and family is what is typically shared. When the father is gone it isn't like a member of the audience is gone, it is like the whole audience is gone. For sons who are also fathers this loss extends to not being able to share the accomplishments of their children and not being able to seek advice for parenting. Many sons miss dad when they need their old coach in any area of life that’s giving them trouble. For me this is one of the hardest things I am dealing with as I try to get my life back. My dad was always there. When I played hockey I remember feeling nervous or unsure and would look up to the stands and see him there. He was always looking at me and gave me so much confidence. When I did something great I would look up to the stands first and he would be cheering me on. Later in life whenever something great would happen he would be the first person I want to tell. I lost all that. I feel like no one else cares about what I do or accomplish. Everyone else has their own things going on but my dad was dedicated to me. He was the one that was always there and waiting to hear about the great things I did. I feel like no one cares anymore and I have no one cheering me on.

Taking up the Mantle. A father's death is a right of passage for a son. A very painful one. Many men, regardless of their age when their father died, feel like they grew up suddenly and significantly when it happened. They have to take the lead in the family dynamic. I can't tell you how many people have told me that I am now the head of the household. I have to do my dad proud. Lead like he did. I have to take care of my mom. It is a lot of pressure that I know is on me now. I know what needs to be done but I am not sure I can do it. I don't feel ready. I am 38 years old and feel like I am a little kid that lost their dad. I feel I am not ready to grow up yet. Can I handle all this? I don't feel like I am doing a great job.

Long Shadow. As a boy grows, he learns many lessons and skills from his father who serves as his mentor and teacher. He quickly learns that it is better to do things his father's way based on experience and the hassle of disobedience. Sons long for the approval of their fathers and live to be told “good job.” Son's feel compelled to do things "Dad's way" and still long for his approval "Would dad be proud?" I struggle with this as well. I want to do everything right, the way my dad would have wanted it. Fixing something at home, do things at my parents house, even driving the car. I want it to be the way my dad would have done it. I am desperate to make sure he would have approved. I need his approval to know I am doing things OK. It hurts so much to not have him here to say I am doing a good job. I think about the things I would have loved to hear from him before he passed. The one at the top of the list is "I am proud of you". People tell me that he was but it isn't the same as hearing the words. It breaks my heart because I want to know that he was proud of me and that I wasn't a disappointment.

Father's Legacy. Later in the grieving process men will look at the life of their fathers to try to take stock of their heritage and to see how their father’s values and lifestyle have influenced them. Some sons will look back happily on men of character and values that they admire and hope to emulate. This will inspire them to leave a legacy and keep the chain intact. I am not even close to this realization. I am still suffering so much with the loss of my dad and can't see the life ahead. It is crippling to understand that my dad is gone and don't know how to proceed. I hope someday I can do this because my dad was amazing. He truly was amazing and my hero. I wish I had told him that before he was in the hospital and when he could talk back. He was everything to me. He filled me up with so much love and now I feel so empty with him gone.

As you can see these things apply directly to me. It is comforting to read what I am going through and that I am not alone but it doesn't help the pain at all. I miss my dad and struggle to find a life without him. I am so desperate to see a sign that he is with me. I feel alone and can't turn to my dad to talk to him. He can't give me advice. Just a few words to know I am going to be OK.

Our Daily Chats

As I think I have mentioned before, I used to call my dad everyday. We wouldn't talk about much but it was nice to have that 10 minutes a day to talk to him. The topic of the day would change all the time from sports, the kids, cars, to any of a wide range of other things. Yesterday I took a long drive up to see Quinn, Brenda and her parents at their house in Peterborough. It was a surprise drop in as I was in Brampton and Ronin was at daycare. I was thinking that a long drive to talk to myself would be good. I loaded some stuff that needed to go to Peterborough in the truck and off I went. The drive up was more about reminiscing and thinking about what had happened. I got there and unloaded the stuff. Had a bite to eat and headed back to get Ronin. The drive back I found myself more emotional. The entire drive back I held my cell phone so tight in my hand so desperately wishing I could call him. Trying to remember the countless conversations we had and how it was so comforting to know I could just pick up the phone to talk to him. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed and needed those 10 minutes in my day. Now I do understand. That time gave me a sense of being loved and needed beyond what I get from Brenda and the kids. It was a feeling I have never not had. Every time he picked up the phone there was no doubt he was happy to hear my voice. He was so comforting just by the way he said "Hello". Whatever problems I had would just seem in perspective at that moment. I wouldn't talk to him about my problems very often, that really wasn't what the call was about it was just a daily connection to my dad. I am lost without it. Those 10 minutes made my heart feel like there was someone out there that has and will always be there just for me. My dad would never let anything stand in the way of him being with me and it hurts so much to know I can't have that anymore. I think that is the biggest source of the loneliness I feel. That same loneliness transfers on to Quinn and Ronin. Someone worded it to me quite correctly, I am suffering through the loss of my dad two fold, one for me and one for Quinn & Ronin.

The daily chats would usually end with my dad passing the phone to my mom. I would delay asking about my mom because as soon as I would, my dad would pass the phone off so I could get the information first hand. I would ask him about the Cadillac, how he is feeling, what he is doing, and all kinds of other stuff. It was what they call those little things. My mom said when he got home he would always ask if I called. I never thought he really focused on my calls but know I understand how much he looked forward to it as well. It was so special. The whole drive was that constant longing to call my dad but it was so much more. I cried a lot. I missed him. I screamed. I cried some more. I remembered him. I was in disbelief he was gone. I yelled some more. I thought about the hospital. It was emotionally draining but also a release. I am starting to understand why my mom says she needs time to be alone. This was my alone time and I was able to let everything go. It felt nice not to censor anything and talk aloud. The whole drive came to a point when a song came on an old CD I had in the car. There was a song called "In a Little While" by Uncle Kracker. It seemed like the song was written for me at this moment. Here are a few lyrics from that song:

Sometimes I feel like Something is gone here

Something is wrong here, I don't belong here

I've lost what I have found

In a little while I will be thinking about you

In a little while I'll still be here without you

You never gave me a reason to doubt you

As you can see it is very direct to what I am going through. The part about I don't belong here really hit home. I belong in a life where my dad is. Where I can pick up the phone to talk to him and not a life where he passed away and I can't reach him. I've lost the relationship with him that I had just understood when he went into the hospital. All the other lines are self explanatory. It was weird to hear this song at this time on a CD I haven't listened to in years. Then there was a verse that totally broke me down:

On the other side of a coin
There’s a face there’s a memory somewhere that I can’t erase
And there’s a place that I'll find someday
But sometimes I feel like it’s slippin’ away

This is how I feel. It is my dad and a place with him that I want to find but it is slipping away as my life with him just becomes memories and it is so hard. I miss him as a part of my physical life.

I think back to listening to the radio when I had issues with girls and it seemed like all the songs were written for me. It was because those songs were written with that situation in mind. I don't think there are too many songs out there with what I am going through in mind. In fact this song is more about a break up than about losing a parent.

The picture above is the image I remember every time I walk into my parents house. That was my dad's "spot" he would look over and get up if he wasn't in the middle of something. I remember him there when I was growing up working so hard on stuff with papers everywhere but would always take time to talk with me. It is really that which impacts me. He was part of every single day of my life. I am lost without that call, it is amazing how losing 10 minutes a day can crush you on so many level. I miss you dad.

Halloween and more!!

Ronin had his first Halloween this past week and we have posted pictures on the website at http://www.brelan.ca/

The pictures are under Ronin because it is his first one.... we couldn't steal his thunder. Even though the majority of the pictures revolve around Quinn!

This past couple months seem to have flown by. It is hard to believe that all the sunlight in the evening is gone and that Christmas is just around the corner.

In preparation for Quinn's Halloween costume we decided to have a look at what Quinn looked like with her hair down. It is funny but she is just like her Aaji and Nead mosi, in that we don't see any of them with their hair down very often. Below is a picture of Quinn with her hair down... both Brenda and I had to take a second look at her... almost like a totally different child!!! Still so cute.

Ronin has really taken to getting himself in all kind of different areas now that he is crawling and pulling up on so many things. We were having dinner and then looked down and saw the little monkey making a visit.... Looks like he is in a fish tank. He sure loves his new sense of mobility!

Ronin has also started to venture onto some of Quinn's favorite stuff.... like the trampoline!! As you can see he doesn't need a tutorial to use it. He has seen his big sister show him how to do it long enough!! As you can also see.... Quinn is no where in sight!!

Not to be outdone, Quinn has really kicked up her creativity to find new ways to climb things that have been in our house for a long time... namely the high chair! She decided to relocate the piano stool over by the high chair and then climb up on that and then on the tray on the high chair. This is the best picture we have because it was only Brenda and Quinn around and Brenda didn't want to put too much space between Quinn and her in case the high chair gave way!

We can only imagine what the next few months hold for all of us.....

Niagara Falls - Staying in Canada

It has been a long time since the last blog post. Both Quinn and Ronin have had so many adventures over the last 4 months.

Below is the picture Quinn and Ronin posed for with Brenda for her birthday. Cute as cute can be!!

This past long weekend we took the family to Niagara Falls and we actually didn't go over to the US to shop. We have never done this before as a family. Even since Quinn has come into our lives, she hasn't done the Niagara Falls Canada thing. We thought it was a good day and why not? The fact that both Brenda and I have expired passports and Ronin doesn't have a passport probably played a small roll in it, and Quinn rolling up to customs alone wouldn't look so good.


We got down there through a lot of traffic. Unbelievable amounts of construction happening on the route to Niagara Falls. It wasn't little jobs either, they were not just resurfacing lanes, they were ripping out whole pieces of the road and leaving gigantic holes in the ground. Anyways we made it down there and it only took an extra 30 minutes. That being said, the 30 minute window had forced Brenda to get in the back with the kids to feed Ronin and provide a little entertainment to get us the rest of the way.

Once we got there we noticed that there was more people there than either of us had ever seen in our entire lives in Niagara Falls. We drove the length of the falls and then came back and parked by one of the hotels. We did diaper changes in the back of the SUV (love the space of the Highlander), loaded up the double stroller, made sure sunscreen was on the kids, and headed out. Navigating the double stroller was tough at times with the crowds, especially on the decline of Clifton Hill. Quinn loved all the sights and everything that was going on. Ronin was trying to figure it out. Throughout the whole trip he got a lot of people to stop and comment on how cute he was. Both Brenda and I had to stop a couple times to go in front of the stroller and see what people were talking about. Yeah, they were right... he sure is cute.


After we walked down the falls and showed Quinn and Ronin the sites from the stroller and me explaining to Brenda that it was really the mist from the falls she was feeling and not me spitting on her, we looped around and came walking back along the falls, but not before the family shot.

This time we were looking for a good green space to let Quinn and Ronin get out of the stroller. We found a good spot and put down a blanket. As you can see below Ronin got a chance to stretch his legs but not before a little admiration of his big sister!


Quinn got out of the stroller and was off. She joined in with some other kids sitting on the grass. She then found some gardens and decided she would try and walk straight through the gardens. Then she found a statue of George the VI. I guess this guy was the King of Canada at a point and died when he was 16. Talk about young and successful!! As you can see by the picture Quinn ran from one end of the statue to the other while she was giving her mother a heart attack!!


Quinn then decided that all the traffic on the road was cool. So she went right up to the road, reached back for my hand and tried to pull me into traffic. When that didn't work. The tantrum began. Brenda and I clearly understand the term "TERRIBLE TWO".

After the kids got their full of the park we loaded them back up and made our way back to the car. We had to negotiate the uphill climb that is Clifton Hill! Wasn't the easiest trek with about 100lbs of 2 kids, double stroller, and various supplies. However, we made it, but some peoples' shins had to pay a price.

We walked down the main road in Niagara Falls and headed back to the car. Another diaper change, take out Crazy Bread from Little Caesar's, some turtles fudge and we were on our way.

The drive back wasn't as bad except for the fact that Ronin screamed and cried for over an hour straight! Quinn would occasionally lean over and look at him with a face indicating "What the heck is your problem?" Indeed, what the heck was his problem?!?

As we made our travels back to the GTA we decided to stop in wine country and see if one of the wineries we go to had probably the best cheese fondue in stock. We have had it a few times but more often than not, they are out of it. Well we stopped in and they are now under new management and don't carry it anymore. We give up!!!! They said it was "Kingsley" fondue from Quebec. Google after Google and we have come up with NOTHING! The dream is gone. We might have to resort to making it the old fashion way..... going to a restaurant and watching someone else do the work!

We got home in time to get the kids to bed and the day was done. A great day with the family!

A couple weeks ago we went to a traditional Chinese wedding. It was 12 courses of food and all that needs to be said is that below is the first course......

Yes, that is a baby suckling pig with cherries and LED lights in it's eyes..... The staff came out dancing with all these pigs and sparklers. Quite the experience for sure! We definitely enjoyed it!!!

Terrible Two's.... Both of them!!

A lot has happened since our last post. The gymnastics experiment has turned out not so well. Let us just say that we both cringe at the thought of Saturday mornings. However, we have both agreed to fight through it. These are the types of things Brenda and I band together on, among other things...

Quinn got her first ear infection a week before her second birthday. Of all the infections we have been so worried about with her for her 2 first years of life, this one was not that bad. As you can see by the picture below she was knocked out of commission.

Luckily Quinn was up and around in time for her second birthday. For her actual birthday we took her to the Rainforest Cafe with Ronin, her aaja, her aaji, and her poowa. She loved it the first time we visited there but this visit didn't start so well. Firstly, they sat us near the monkeys and gorillas. If you have ever been there you will understand that these creatures were even freaking out the big people! They moved us to a better spot and after a little while Quinn warmed up to the idea of being there. She did however have her heart set on heading out into Yorkdale mall to socialize. We came back to our house for cake and she opened some presents and actually stuck her hand in the cake that her mom made for her. She took a bite of it and then moved on to other more important things like pushing her train down the hall.

Quinn's Aaja and Aaji got Quinn one of the most awesome wagon's I have ever seen. This, along with the trampoline were presents that we knew from the beginning Quinn would love. As you can see below, she is enjoying both of them. The first one on her own, the rest is her sharing with her brother.

This week Ronin turned two months old. We thought he was getting a bit of a routine but then the last couple days he brought us crashing back to reality and we realize it was just a tease. We are lucky that Brenda took such great notes with Quinn so that we can compare what we went through the first time around. Needless to say he is turning into quite the little cutie as you can see below. He is really starting to smile and interact with the world around him. Quinn's thing was smiling. Ronin likes to smile but he has perfected the pissed off face. Below isn't the pissed off face because we like this face better.

On the 15th was Quinn's formal 2nd birthday party. Once again she was really spoiled not only by the presents that all the people that love her gave her but by her mom who really knows how to throw a kick ass 2nd Birthday party!!! We went with food that Quinn loves. As a result there was pasta and sauce as far as the eye can see. She got so many great presents and really loved them all. Here are a few pics of the spread and the festivities.

This past March Break, Quinn and Ronin spent a couple days in Peterborough with their Nead mosi and all their cousins. Quinn even had her first sleep in a toddler bed. As you can see from the picture below all the kids had a blast.

Roin in the U.S.A., Double Stroller, Stomach Flu, and Gymnastics

Last week we made our first trip to the U.S.A. with Ronin. We were a little concerned about crossing the border since we technically didn't have any official birth papers for him. We had a form from the hospital that didn't state his name and his temporary health card that I actually filled out. Anyways, we got to the border and got through seamlessly. Our primary purpose for making the trip was to get the double stroller from Wal-Mart. We ordered it online and went to pick it up. It seems that double stroller's aren't easy to get in Canada, or probably more accurately, they have a better selection south of the border.

We arrived at Wal-mart and picked up the stroller and I proceeded to put it together in the back of the store. It wasn't as easy as it could have been but on the other hand it could have been far worse. We got it together and it fit into our trunk, which was another concern. After that we headed to the outlets to grab a few things and then headed back across the border. Quinn was with her grand parents in Brampton and we didn't want to be away from her longer than we had to. Here is a picture of the finished product of the stroller and the kids riding along....

On our way back both Brenda and I noted that we didn't feel so great. As we got closer to Brampton, Brenda's condition worsened and needless to say the fun began. It hit her full on at about 7pm and made it's appearance to me at about 1am. We are still not sure if it was the stomach flu or something we ate. The more we think about it the more we think it was something we ate. Quinn didn't get sick and our stomachs were wonky for the next couple days, not a typical run and gun stomach flu. I thought these things were bad before having small children but after this episode it was miserable. Poor Quinn just wanted to play and we could hardly move. Brenda really took it like a champ and sucked it up and was super mom over the next few days. Knowing how I felt and how she was feeling, it was amazing how she got things done with both Ronin and Quinn.

Ronin has been getting bigger and bigger everyday. It is amazing how he is turning into a little man. He is still not sleeping the greatest. He will sleep up to 3hours at a time. Too bad that this usually happens between 1pm and 8pm during the day. In the night he is up every 2 hours and after 4am is pretty much up to go till about 7am or 8am. Not the easiest ride for Brenda. Hopefully he will get everything sorted out so that we can get a schedule down. We did both notice that he gets his full quota of crying in everyday. We are not saying he is colic, but he sure could fool a few people!!!

2 Weeks ago Quinn started Gymnastics. We weren't sure how it would all go and in the first week she unfortunately responded how we were hoping she wouldn't. She didn't want to do much and was not impressed with anyone there. The second week there was a totally different story. She absolutely loved it. She did the balance beam about 20 times (all 3 of them), she did the trampoline, she went on the tire swing and even held on to the uneven bars. It was amazing what a difference a week makes!! It will be interesting to see what happens next week!

Today we took Quinn and Ronin to Woodbine Mall to the Fantasy Fair. We thought it would be a great Family Day activity! Well it seems that about a thousand other family's had the same idea. It was packed! I have never seen it that busy ever. The line ups were all over the place. Quinn did enjoy watching all the rides and we did get her on the riding horse, a mini Ferris wheel, and she met an old friend. We will definitely take her back when it isn't so crazy.

One Week Old and One Sick Toddler

Today Ronin turned 1 week and thankfully he is back up to his birth weight which is definitely something we are very glad that we don't have to worry about. He has been a good little guy thus far but that is from the father's position... I am not the one that gets up to feed all night.. so I am sure Brenda will have a different point of view. It is quite the different experience having a little boy. The things you talk about and the way you interpret his gestures is totally different. The picture below would make us feel sorry if it was Quinn but with Ronin we think he looks like a little gangster!!

This week has been tough trying to get used to having 2 kids on the go. There were several times that we looked at each other and asked us what have we gotten ourselves into!! Never was this more apparent than last night when we were getting the garbage ready. Does this look like a 2 children family or what??? As a game you can figure out which ones are Quinn's and which are Ronin's...

Quinn has been sick this week. She wasn't herself when she went to bed on Tuesday night and when we went in to get her in the morning we found she had thrown up in the night and was sleeping in it. I was traumatized by it... Needless to say we gave her a bath. I apologized to her repeatedly for not realizing what happened. All Tuesday she just wanted to be held and didn't want to do anything. I had to go out and get some stuff done and when I came home I was once again reminded that we are a two child family. I think Brenda's face says it all. She is a champ for being able to soothe both the children. Quinn needed her mommy and Ronin doesn't really know much else.

Today Quinn had an appointment so it was the first day that we travelled out as a family. It went off pretty well and we remembered how frantic we were when we used to leave the house when Quinn was first born. Quinn and Ronin played nice in the back seat of the car but as you can see the real estate is pretty tight. We really need to pull the trigger on a SUV. It is on the list...

Ronin and Quinn

Today is Ronin's 5th day and he is somewhat regular. This is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending how you look at it. He likes to feed every 2-3 hours which means little sleep for mom. Between feeds he seems to pretty much sleep with random moments of eyes open. We have had a few wet sleepers from the misdirection of a certain bodily part along with a diaper that wasn't fully airtight... It is a new world with a boy. We will cut him a break as he is figuring things out like we are.

Quinn seems OK with Ronin. However we have definitely noticed specific changes with her. She now started the biting thing again and we have the teeth marks to prove it. She also decided she wants to go head first off the ottoman. This has resulted in a few pile drivers. To her credit, she cries a little then gets right back to giving it a try. She definitely embodies the phrase "Practice makes perfect". Two nights ago Quinn and Ronin's relationship hit a milestone as Quinn actually kissed him goodnight. It was the sweetest thing ever. She will now come over to look at him and when he cries she looks at him then at us with a face that says "Shouldn't you be doing something?" She will figure it out. We are so lucky she is independant and can occupy herself without us having to watch her. It definitely helps out. That being said, she has started crying when she is being dropped at daycare again. It is heartbreaking but we are sure she will get through it.

Today Ronin has his first doctor appointment. We will see how everything goes. Hopefully his weight is ok and everything else is on track.

Ronin Bedford Maharaj

On January 15th 2009 at 7:13 am, Ronin Bedford Maharaj came into this world. He came in weighing 7lbs and 12 ounces and a full 8 days early. Ronin is doing well and Brenda is also doing OK considering she just pushed a baby out of her!!! She still has some heartburn but nothing like she had while Ronin was on the inside!

The whole process this time was somewhat surreal considering the experience with Quinn. From the time we went to the hospital to the time he was born was only about 6 hours. Very different from the process with Quinn.

It is going to be interesting how we now manage having two children. We both said it is going to be like we are both single parents as we take the divide and conquer route!! Quinn seems to not care much about Ronin and doesn't seem to upset with the fact that he is so close to Brenda. Time will tell if this will wear out!