My Dad's wish fulfilled

A couple of days ago Brenda and I returned from South Africa.  It was such an emotional trip and so hard to do for me.   We booked on a Thursday and left on the following Monday.  I tried to sort out some South African documents at the embassy here but they are not exactly efficient and had to leave without them.  I was trying to get emergency travel documents for some stuff I had to do in South Africa.  I called them today and they said they just came in.... How is it an emergency when it takes almost 2 weeks to get the documents?  Anyways, everything worked out without that stuff.  It was incredibly hard sitting in the Embassy without my dad.  He had been here more than a few times and I sat there crying my eyes out as I waited for stuff to get done.  People were asking if I was OK and I told them I was fine, just get the documents done so I could go.  They knew my dad had passed away, what did they think was wrong?

Anyways, we flew to South Africa with my two aunts which was nice because we didn't have to fly alone but at the same time it was so hard for my mom to have 4 people she loved leave at the same time.  All day I was dreading getting on the flight because I knew what the flight was about and it was focused on the fact my dad had passed.  I didn't want to do it because I was worried about the emotional stress.  I knew there was no way I wasn't going to go but it was difficult from the beginning.

The flight was grueling to say the least.  13hrs to Dubai and then almost 9hrs to Durban.  The flight from Toronto to Dubai was on the Emirates super plane, the airbus 380, the double decker one.  It was nice with all the amenities and multimedia but the seats were hard.  Very hard.  I was surprised, given how new the plane was, it also had ashtrays around, which was also strange.

On the way there we stayed over a night in Dubai and toured around the city.  It isn't what I expected at all.  There really isn't any "Dubai Culture".  There are massive expensive hotels, restaurants I recognize, and money.... lots of money. However, there isn't any Arab culture there, it is the only city in the United Arab Emirates that allows drinking because of it's attraction to tourists.  All the other cities have no drinking and no bars because of their Muslim roots.  We saw the usual and headed to Durban in the morning.

When we arrived in Durban the first thing we saw when we collected all our baggage was family, lots of family.  It was such a nice surprise to be greeted by so many people.  I know a lot of them was there to see my aunts but it was family none the less.  They all hugged us and it was nice to feel welcomed.  We then went back to my uncle's house and everyone came, plus more people.  There was so much family around and I kept thinking that this is what my dad loved.  Family around, the more the merrier.  So at the same time it was comforting, it was also very emotional, I had to take a few breaks to go into other room when my emotions got the best of me.  I couldn't believe that after 23 years I was back in South Africa and my dad wasn't with me.  I cried a lot on the plane and then even more when we arrived.  My Uncle Rakesh took us around and really looked out for us.  He made sure we were OK even if we weren't with him and really gave us the royal treatment.  We drove up the coast in Durban one evening which was really nice.

The next day was the big day.  We were doing the ashes ceremony.  There was a lot of heart ache and stress associated with the logistics of getting the ashes done the way I wanted it and the way I know my dad would have wanted it.  The days and times kept getting switched, some people didn't want to participate, some other people wanted it their way and not mine.  Anyways, it worked out OK.  The prayer was nice, the ashes went into the same water that my grand parents and my aunt went into.  The place is called Albert Falls and it was such a great place that my dad used to go fishing when he was young.  It just felt like he should have been standing next to me telling me all the stories about the place, but he wasn't, and I missed hearing his voice in a place that important to him.

 It was peaceful and I got time to sit and talk to my dad , thanks largely to Brenda (long story with too much Maharaj drama).  It told him that I knew he was home but his home is with me.  To please stay with me, help me, and guide me.  Keep the kids safe and help Quinn find her way.  I cried so much that day that my eyes hurt.  I looked at the water tried to hear his voice in my head and feel good about doing something my dad really wanted.  I asked him if I will ever see him again in this life or the next.  I told him he was and always will be my hero.  Told him I loved him beyond words and that he was a man above all others.  I also repeated some things that I told him when he was leaving us, but those are words for him and me and not for anyone else.  I miss him terribly and still cry all the time.  I think about the life he gave me and I am forever thankful.  He is truly one of a kind.  There were so many things I said that day as I sat on the rocks talking to him.  I told him I didn't know what this life was supposed to be like without him.  I told him all about my pain and my struggles.  It was a moment that was just for my dad and me.

 
After the ashes, we went around Pietermaritzburg which was the city my dad grew up in.  We saw the old places he worked, visited some old friends and heard all the same messages.  He was a great man, unlike anyone they had ever met.  He was meticulous and had a memory like nothing they had seen before. It was nice to hear but at the same time, he was my dad, and I knew all this.  I wish I had more time to sit and tell him just how great I knew he was.  It wasn't like I wasn't sure about my dad.  It wasn't like I thought he was an OK guy or that I didn't hold him in the highest regard.  He was amazing, I knew that in my heart without a doubt.  So everyone we met, pulled me into tears either in their presence or during the walk back to the car.  All I could think about is that I had this great guy as a dad and I don't feel I appreciated him as much as I should have.  He was my dad but beyond that he was an amazing man.

We had a prayer for my dad that night and a lot of his friends came and shared stories and told me some heart felt messages about my dad.  There was a time during their stories where they had said that I really didn't know him.... What?  He is my dad.  They said I didn't know the man he was back in South Africa.  I took it as long as I could and then made a point to tell them that THEY didn't know him.  I knew the man they talked about but they didn't know the man he had become.  In the last 10 years of his life the man they had known had changed.  The man I know was this man that was so caring and gentle.  A blessed soul that could not do enough for the people he loved.  It was a grandfather that changed everything he thought about the world the day his little princess was born and stole his heart.  It was a man that was in awe of a boy that would never stop being a boy.  He was a person that was so full with love that it spread to everyone close to him.  This was my father.  They shared they stories of loss with a little bit of disregard of the pain I was in and I had to remind them that they lost a brother, friend, or relative but I lost my dad and when he left a piece of me died.  It was more of this constant struggle with my dad's family and friends but it was OK.  I know they were hurting.  We finished the prayer and the next day went to a prayer for my dad at 6:30am in a temple that he and my grandfather built.  It was a nice service and I cried the whole way through.  Sitting in this temple that my dad felt so strongly about without him.  Looking at the walls and the floor and thinking he was here over 50 years ago.  It was so emotional.  Prayer and Hindu hymns in general now have this effect of bringing me to tears because they remind me of the time of losing my dad.

The rest of that day we did some rapid fire visiting with people all over Pietermaritzburg.  I think we visited well over 20 different people that day.  All were so welcoming to me and all wanted us to have tea.  I have never refused so much beverages and cookies in all my life!!  We stayed only about 10 minutes or so at each person's house and they were so happy I could spend that.  I know Brenda's head was spinning trying to keep in order who was who and how they were related to me.  I stopped trying after a while and just relied on my Aunt Uma to tell my mom who they were when she talked to her in Canada!
After those visits we went to see my Uncle in Estcourt.  He and my aunt had so much food waiting for us. We sat down and ate a little till we were full.  Then we realized that it wasn't dinner but appetizers...  Brenda and I just looked at each other and laughed.  We weren't surprised given how much food is always around.  It is just part of the culture.  We had a relaxing night with my uncle and aunt and had time to sleep in then head back to Pietermaritzburg but not before we bought $80 worth of biscuits!! I was just grabbing 1 of each of the biscuits my mom loves and my uncle put 3 more of each in the cart.  It was quite the haul of cookies!!  My Uncle Jay also played such a huge role in making sure I was taken care of everywhere in South Africa and always made a point of seeing us almost every day especially since he lived almost 3 hours away.  After that we headed back to Durban to spend some time with all my family before we headed out the next day.  It was amazing how quickly they got everyone on my mom's side together for dinner.  We all went out to an African place called Moyo. It was a nice place on the beach.  There were so many laughs and jokes and it was nice to be again surrounded my so much family, I thought my mom would feel so much better here with her family that loves her so much.  I also felt so much longing for my dad.  I could almost hear his voice as he would tell stories and laugh and joked with everyone.  I fought back the tears so hard.  I closed my eyes and could almost hear his voice.

After that we went back to my uncle's house chatted to early in the morning and then got some sleep.  Woke up and then realized there was no way all the cookies and presents everyone gave would be able to make it back to Canada in the one checked luggage we brought.  So we borrowed one piece from my uncle and then they bought the kids presents and my other aunt/cousin showed up with some great South African Rugby jackets.  The next thing we had another checked luggage.  We came with one piece of luggage at 18kg coming and leaving with 3 pieces!  After trying to sort out the luggage we made a mad dash to the airport.  It is so different there.  A ton of my family came to the airport to see us off.  It was unbelievable.  They all hung out and chatted.  They stayed with us to the very moment we went through security.  We had some issues with the luggage but got it straightened out and all the luggage made it back to Canada with us.

I just can't believe the people on my mom's side of the family they have their drama but they are so close.  They don't let anything get in the way of being close.  On my dad's side it is different, they are just looking for ways to argue.  I tried to help them realize what was important and will continue to support them as I am sure my dad would want.  I did get a chance to go see my dad's brother who lived about 30 minutes outside of Durban.  It was obvious that no family had reached out to him.  The moment I got out of the car he was emotional and when I told him I came half way around the world just to see him he broke down.  He had such love and respect for my dad and for me to reach out to him after my dad was gone really took him back.  When I left there I knew my dad would have been so proud of me for going out of my way to see him.  He had been excluded from the rest of the family in South Africa and I wish I could have called my dad to tell him how happy he was to see me but that wasn't possible so again, I cried.

The trip home was long but not as bad as going.  We did get some sleep but got delayed through New York.  The plane ride was 23 hours of crying for me.  Just thinking about coming home and trying to figure out what life is supposed to be.  Can't believe I am coming home and can't tell my dad about everything we did.  It really hit home when we came out into the terminal and my dad wasn't there.  He wasn't there waving at me and wasn't there to hug me.  Very lonely feeling.

Brenda got a good taste of my family and it's differences.  We got a taste of South Africa and hope to be back there soon.  But the purpose of the trip was to fulfill my dad's wish.  He can be at rest knowing that it is complete.  People thought I could get a lot of peace by doing it.  I did get a sense of satisfaction but it doesn't make my heart hurt any less.  I still miss my dad and wish he was here.  I still long for his embrace and to hear his voice.  My heart doesn't know I have done this great thing for my dad, all it knows is my dad is still gone.

Hong Kong & Singapore

We made the trip around the other side of the world to Sal and Julianne's wedding in Singapore. 20 hours flying time. It was grueling both going there and coming back. It just isn't right to be couped up on a plane that long. The trip from Toronto to Hong Kong was 16 hours. That is the 12 longest flight in the world and it felt like it. On the way back it took us 3 different planes and 30 hours of travel time to make it back.

However, in between those plane trips and the 4 different places we stayed at it was a great trip and got a chance to see places that I am sure we didn't think we would. Hong Kong was just an amazing place and it was great to spend time with Sal & Juls in Singapore and especially being part of the wedding. The weather was great. A couple of points of rain but over all it was HOT! We kept ourselves busy and made sure we spent the time to see the things we wanted to.

We missed the kids horribly and we are so fortunate that we were able to Skype with them so much and just loved seeing them. The 12 hour time difference made it tough but at least we didn't have to change our clocks!! The kids had an amazing time with their Grammy, Mick, Auntie Aisling, Auntie Anna, Auntie Sue and Auntie Nead, along with all their cousins. They had power packed days and just had a blast. We are so fortunate that everyone in London was able to take the time to look after them. That being said, they didn't just look after them, they fully entertained them! That is a whole different class of work effort! Their Aaji and Aaja even made a trip from Brampton to London to see them. Either way we are glad to have them now home with us.

Pictures of the trip have been posted at: www.brelan.ca/2010_hk_singapore

December...

A lot of time has past since our last post. It is hard to recall everything that has happened. I will try and recall from the start. This will be the December post, then will do a Birthday post, and then maybe an "Our Life" post... not quite sure what that means...

December... The big thing that happened in December is Quinn was in the hospital. Sadly, this is what we remember. It is hard to recall the fun we had in the Dominican...

Ronin's first plane ride, having fun with Nead mosi...

Quinn pushing Ronin around the resort

Fun on the beach...

Slides & fun in the pool....

The group shot...

It is hard to recall the kids visit with Santa...

Or Christmas....

We remember that our little princess was very very sick and in the hospital leading up to Christmas and we didn't know if she would be out in time for Christmas. Luckily she was able to get out but we had a nurse coming to the house for the next approximately 2 weeks. That process didn't go as well as we wanted and Brenda still had to take Quinn to the hospital more than a few times. She had a total of 6 IV sites used and every single time it didn't last as long as it should have.

We were all so scared for Quinn when she was in the hospital. It was an unbelievable amount of fear. No one can imagine the feelings unless you have had a child go through it. The part that makes it so tough is that she can't tell us if she is feeling better, if something hurts, if she is feeling worse.... We slept in the hospital and Brenda and I saw each other for only about 2 hours each day just in passing, because Ronin was also not feeling well. We were actually so lucky that the doctor that was on call decided to send her to the hospital and we are lucky that we live in Brampton because of all the people that travel to India they do blood cultures routinely. That blood culture possibly saved Quinn's life. Quinny was such a trooper in the hospital, she let them take her temperature, she tolerated being confined to a little cage and also not being able to leave her room because she was in quarantine. It was truly unbelievable how well she tolerated everything.

We did the best we could and the moment Quinn walked out the doors of the hospital to go home, it made us feel like this was going to be ok. We really can't recall the last time she was that truly happy.....

The superficial thing that we were pretty sad about was that this was Ronin's first Christmas and it was December 22nd and we didn't even have a tree up... We rushed to get them to see Santa, to get the decorations up and to make it more of a merry place!

We really didn't have time to get them all the presents we wanted but we made the most of it. Luckily they are loved so much by their grand parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They really got spoiled and loved every minute of it!

We had specific cute outfits for both the kids but sadly we couldn't put Quinn's on because nothing would fit over the IV stuff. Again, we just did the best we could and think they both had a great time. It is funny that we say making Christmas special is superficial because we sadly were reminded of what is truly important. All we wanted, and continue to want is Quinn to be healthy. We saw many families making a big deal about Christmas and working so hard to get everything just right. Many people say they know what is truly important but unless you have what is truly important in jeopardy, there is no way you can appreciate the things that matter. Anyways, this isn't a forum for us to pass judgement on the world. Back to Christmas... We had every thought that Ronin would love Santa and Quinn would be suspicious of him.... As you can see by the picture above, we got that one wrong. Quinn was great with Santa and was so excited to see him, and Ronin was... well, a little mama's boy. However, he braved it and went to see Santa too. We think Ronin had a great 1st Christmas... despite the look they have on their faces below..

For New Years, we had Pat and Mike over and put the kids to bed and had a New Years pajama party at our house. Lots of fun. We played some Wii, had a lot of laughs, good food, and rang in the new year.

That is December... Oops almost forgot the fact that Quinn gave Brenda a nice shiner!!!! There are no Peas with that Black Eye!!

Roin in the U.S.A., Double Stroller, Stomach Flu, and Gymnastics

Last week we made our first trip to the U.S.A. with Ronin. We were a little concerned about crossing the border since we technically didn't have any official birth papers for him. We had a form from the hospital that didn't state his name and his temporary health card that I actually filled out. Anyways, we got to the border and got through seamlessly. Our primary purpose for making the trip was to get the double stroller from Wal-Mart. We ordered it online and went to pick it up. It seems that double stroller's aren't easy to get in Canada, or probably more accurately, they have a better selection south of the border.

We arrived at Wal-mart and picked up the stroller and I proceeded to put it together in the back of the store. It wasn't as easy as it could have been but on the other hand it could have been far worse. We got it together and it fit into our trunk, which was another concern. After that we headed to the outlets to grab a few things and then headed back across the border. Quinn was with her grand parents in Brampton and we didn't want to be away from her longer than we had to. Here is a picture of the finished product of the stroller and the kids riding along....

On our way back both Brenda and I noted that we didn't feel so great. As we got closer to Brampton, Brenda's condition worsened and needless to say the fun began. It hit her full on at about 7pm and made it's appearance to me at about 1am. We are still not sure if it was the stomach flu or something we ate. The more we think about it the more we think it was something we ate. Quinn didn't get sick and our stomachs were wonky for the next couple days, not a typical run and gun stomach flu. I thought these things were bad before having small children but after this episode it was miserable. Poor Quinn just wanted to play and we could hardly move. Brenda really took it like a champ and sucked it up and was super mom over the next few days. Knowing how I felt and how she was feeling, it was amazing how she got things done with both Ronin and Quinn.

Ronin has been getting bigger and bigger everyday. It is amazing how he is turning into a little man. He is still not sleeping the greatest. He will sleep up to 3hours at a time. Too bad that this usually happens between 1pm and 8pm during the day. In the night he is up every 2 hours and after 4am is pretty much up to go till about 7am or 8am. Not the easiest ride for Brenda. Hopefully he will get everything sorted out so that we can get a schedule down. We did both notice that he gets his full quota of crying in everyday. We are not saying he is colic, but he sure could fool a few people!!!

2 Weeks ago Quinn started Gymnastics. We weren't sure how it would all go and in the first week she unfortunately responded how we were hoping she wouldn't. She didn't want to do much and was not impressed with anyone there. The second week there was a totally different story. She absolutely loved it. She did the balance beam about 20 times (all 3 of them), she did the trampoline, she went on the tire swing and even held on to the uneven bars. It was amazing what a difference a week makes!! It will be interesting to see what happens next week!

Today we took Quinn and Ronin to Woodbine Mall to the Fantasy Fair. We thought it would be a great Family Day activity! Well it seems that about a thousand other family's had the same idea. It was packed! I have never seen it that busy ever. The line ups were all over the place. Quinn did enjoy watching all the rides and we did get her on the riding horse, a mini Ferris wheel, and she met an old friend. We will definitely take her back when it isn't so crazy.

Alaskan Cruise

We all just returned late Sunday from our first cruise which was to Alaska.

We saw things that we all have never seen before and sights that would just make you stare in awe.

Quinn loved spending the week on the boat with her parents and her aaji and aaja. We had a moment standing on the top deck with mountains and glaciers around, we realized that Quinn will never remember the amazing things she has seen. Luckily we have a lot of pictures and video to show her.

New pictures posted at http://www.brelan.ca/

Quinn meet Personality... Personality meet Quinn

As we close in on Quinn's 1 year anniversary we look back on where we have come from. The late nights celebrating if Quinn drinks more than 1 oz. The trips to the doctor and all the tests. All the other fun stuff of being a first time parent.

Now Quinn gets to where she REALLY wants to go. We say that because she always gives it a long thought before putting in the effort to make the move. If it isn't worth it then she moves on to the next important thing. For those of you that know, she is quite the little thinker. She isn't the type to just do things arbitrarily, there is always thought involved! One of our friends recently said Quinn sure has grown into her little personality. That she has. She now has all the personalities to go with her variety of faces.

Our whole household is actively awaiting a wedding later this month. Not that we live for weddings, but this wedding is in Margarita Island. There will be a whole mess of firsts for this trip. As part of the rigour of travelling, Quinn received her first passport. We thought the picture would be a bit of an affair but surprisingly the government likes the look of "Who the hell are you" for their passport pictures as you can see below, so we were in and out in 10 minutes!

The kids at the Santa Clause Parade!

Here are the McLean girls and Quinn at the Santa Clause Parade.

This is picture of Quinn sleeping on the subway home. Santa puckered her out.

Do you have anything to declare???

We woke up Saturday morning and made an executive decision as we were organizing some documents (Quinn's birth stuff). We decided to take Quinn across the border. So we packed her up, got our documents, made a Tim's stop, and then were on the road by 9am. Quinn was going to cross the border for the first time.

The drive down wasn't particularly eventful as Quinn dropped in and out of sleep. She talked. She slept. Then she talked some more. We were suspecting the border would be quite busy because of the value of the Canadian dollar. When we got there it was backed up right across the bridge but to their credit it only took about 20 minutes to cross. When we got to customs Brenda's passport actually got us in the good books. This was definitely a first. The custom's officer had just got back from Galway, Ireland, come on.. what are the odds on that. We had a little chat and then were on our way. No questions asked.

We drove straight to the outlets and it was a total of just under 2 hours door to door (including the 20 minutes at the border). There was some shopping done and Quinn was again the big winner. We did get a few things for ourselves but definitely didn't load up. Had a Wimpy's burger and a Dunkin Donut (the first and last time, we have no idea why people like them) and then were on our way to the Walden Galleria.

Quinn fell asleep again so we decided to hit a Target while she was asleep. Brenda went in while Dad and Quinn hung out in the car. We couldn't believe how many Canadians were buying car seats and just chucking the boxes to head back. Interesting. Also very interesting that US car seats don't meet the same safety criteria as Canada. Oh well.

We got to the Walden Galleria and got a few things and then went to The Cheesecake Factory (picture below). It was another good visit there and will tie us over for the next little while. Quinn was great the whole trip. We packed her up and then headed for home. It was close to her bedtime so we thought we would give her the last bottle when we crossed the border. Much to our surprise she couldn't wait.

We stopped at the casino on the US side and in the parking lot Brenda (aka Supermom), changed her on her lap and got her into her sleeper, all in the front seat in about 15 minutes flat. She then gave her last bottle and we were on our way. 30 minutes at the border on the way back. The customs officer was nice and we were through. Home by about 9:30 or so. All in all a good day and lots of fun with Quinn.

Back from Orlando

We got back from Orlando this week and spent our first extended period away from Quinn. The weather in Orlando was hot...... 103 degrees F. You could actually feel yourself melting.. However, unlike the heat in places like Vegas, this heat had some serious humidity and it felt like you were wearing it all day. We took some day trips and stayed and a great place about 5 minutes from Disney World. For the first couple days there we didn't even attempt to venture into the Magic Kingdom because we just figured Mickey wouldn't let us in without some crazy admission fee. We were wrong. There is tonnes of stuff to do there from Downtown Disney to Universal Studios without having to pay anything.

We made the trip to Tampa..... that was 120 miles that we wish we could have had back. There really wasn't anything of note in Tampa. There is the water... Some old town with a Starbucks that has a really bitter girl working there.

In Orlando, we did some great shopping (80% for Quinn), and went to eat at some really great places. Of course we made it to the Cheesecake Factory but we also go the opportunity to go to The Melting Pot. The last time we were there was 5 years ago and it was well worth the wait. Not too sound too much like a restaurant review but the Cheese Fondue was amazing, the main course with the broth for the meat had so much flavour and the desert chocolate fondue with caramel and peanut butter was unreal..... If you ever get a chance to go there, you have to make the trip. Look how happy we are below!!!

We were getting some good updates from Quinn's Nead mosi on how she was doing. She was a busy little girl in London. Unfortunately or Fortunately, whichever way you look at it, she probably didn't even know we were gone. Quinn was really pampered and got all the attention any 5 month old could ever want from all her uncles, aunts, grand parents, and cousins!! She even kicked Nead mosi and Uncle Radu out of their room so she could get a little privacy. Nead mosi and Uncle Radu returned our daughter happy and safe... just like we thought they would..... They also provided a beautiful book (lots of work by Sue mosi) that outlined the events of the week in London for Quinn. Thank you to everyone that cared and provided so much love for our little monkey.