The kids have been getting ready for Halloween this past week by putting up decorations and talking about candy!!
We put up the same bat we had last year. How things change in a year. This is a battery powered bat that flies around the roof. Last year both kids took off when it was on. This year it is non-negotiable for us to turn it off. It burned through a set of batteries in less than a day!!!
We carved a pumpkin. In fact we took the pumpkin to Aaji's and it was the first time she ever helped carve a pumpkin. It was so much fun for the kids, they both actually reached in and ripped out the guts of the pumpkin. We were all, including Aaji, sitting on the kitchen floor carving it out. Ronin was helping cut the pumpkin, telling me to make sure it has a really scary face. It was so great, but so heart breaking. It was a moment that the kids enjoyed that I didn't have my dad to share it with. Ronin is getting so big and such a personality. He would have entertained my dad for hours. Quinn also has become quite the jokester. She would have had so many giggles with my dad. All these moments instigate this pit I always carry in my stomach.
I picked up Ronin from daycare and he was excited right away. They gave him loot bags to take home. On the car ride home I let him have a "warm up" treat. He had 3 chocolates. I then told him not to tell his mom and his answer was "Maybe I will". Little bugger.
When they were both home from school they were excited to get the show on the road. We were worried Ronin will not go in his costume and stick with the Turtle costume he wore last year. A few comments on how cool this years costume was, got him right in. They ate dinner, got dressed and were ready to go. Quinn loved looking at her Unicorn costume in the mirror and then she would go over to pictures of my dad and point to him. She would bring me over to the picture of my dad and point. It was like she was showing my dad her costume and asking me to get him. It broke my heart to pieces. Even as we were heading out the door she looked back at my dad's picture and waved. He would have been so proud of his little princess. I wish he could see her. I wish she could run to him and have that feeling of being safe.
As we got into the street our little spaceman led the way. Quinn wasn't far behind and really like the whole idea of holding her bag. That being said, she would decide she didn't like it as much and silently leave her bag in the middle of the sidewalk and keep going! We would have to back track to pick it up. There were so many houses that Ronin loved to go up and see. After he would get his candy he would call Quinn and usually she would follow. Quinn would then make a break for going inside people's house. She loved all the decorations and has started this game of leaning on people's cars. I am not sure where she learned that from but it is like she is hiding from a sniper. It is quite funny! She lost interest pretty quick and was happy to go home to see Aaji hand out candy. Brenda and Ronin continued their trek onwards for more goodies! Ronin was so good at keeping his space helmet on and was so polite. He would always say "Trick or Treat" and then finish with a "Thank You". People were so impressed. He is such a special little boy.
When Brenda returned with Ronin we got a family picture and then the kids went through their loot. I took Aaji home so her house would not get egged! She handed out more candy there. While I was gone Brenda supervised Ronin and Quinn handing out the candy to the kids that came to the door. They really had fun and Ronin provided the kids with a running commentary of what he was doing. There was one time that Quinn got a little carried away and wanted to give some kids my boots!!! Such a giving little girl! They genuinely loved it. I asked Ronin what he had more fun doing getting candy or handing it out and he said he loved handing it out.
When they went to bed there were a few straggler Trick or Treaters and every time the door bell rang Ronin would yell down from his bed "Make sure you don't give them all the candy!" Funny little boy.
While I was at my parents house I went to my dad's bedside to tell him about how great the kids were and how they miss you so much. It is these special occasions that remind me that my dad is gone and never coming back. I cried so hard for my dad the whole drive home. I miss him so much. I can almost feel his cheek on my lips for a kiss. I can almost feel his hand on mine. It feels so close but also so heartbreakingly far away. I remember my parents doing so much for us for Halloween, whatever we wanted to go as, they would make it happen. The picture below has a custom Dracula cape from my mom and my dad was so proud. He told everyone about this year because we all did so much to make the costume perfect. I remember my dad and I searching for the "perfect" black pants.
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Someone sent me a quote a while back just after my dad passed and it feels so real to me:
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